To honor Owen's third birthday and Father's Day for Kevin and Terry, we took a trip to Medieval Times to celebrate (they had a "fathers get in free" and "kids free on their birthday" promotion, so I couldn't pass it up). Let's just say I'm glad some of us were free because we soon discovered it was not entertaining for all.
First, we took a tour of the Dungeon museum - a horrific collection of medieval torture devices. Mom and I discovered the larger percentage of them were meant for women who "spoke out of line" - or criticized their men. There was the breast pincher, iron masks meant to be bolted on permanently, and the ever romantic iron chastity belts - which could only be removed when, and if, your man returned from war. Owen kept asking what everything was meant to do, so we quickly made a beeline for the exit because I could think of no preschool answers for any of it.
Then, we made our way to the main event - a "feast" of tomato-ish soup, greasy chicken, hard bread and potatoes and (cheap) store bought apple pastries. All, of course, were served in metal bowls and plates with no utensils. An overly zealous mom next to me brought her own plastic utensils (which I secretly coveted).
During the feast, we were entertained by knights of the round, jousting and fighting on foot for the fair princess. The entertainment included a creepy wizard of sorts, betrayal, death, and an executioner with whips and other barbaric tools.
Thankfully, Owen was ready to go after fifteen minutes of horses and swords, so Kevin took him home just before the creep show of betrayal and execution began.
I know some of you are dearly impressed by the romanticism of it all, but I'm here to report I'm a lover of Levi's, a crew cut, women's rights
and Oneida.
